Category Archives: blogging

I’M UPDATING. LOOK AT ME UPDATE. SHOCK & AWE!

OK, first? I am thankful for having a (tiny) blog following, but seriously people? You are all my close friends. So if you want an update on the mundane details of my life, PICK UP THE PHONE.

Ahem.

/rant

There is way too much to tell now that it’s been 3 weeks since my last update. Now, the synopsis will be short, but the details overpowering. So here’s the synopsis: Everything is the same, ‘cept now I have a boyfriend.

Is that sufficient?

No?

OK then. His name is Bryan and he’s a super-cool dude I met through various social media channels and one key contact in Memphis. He has two wonderful felines named Pete and Nancy that I may actually like more than him. ;) We’ve spent quite a bit of time together in the past month, eating dinners, going to movies, playing video games, going to Murfreesboro for 4th of July weekend. It’s been a good time thus far. Hopefully will continue to be for a while yet.

Otherwise, almost nothing is new. Work is still as crazy-busy as ever. I am now an official Tennessee resident. My apartment is working out fine. I am working out as well, though not as much as I should be. I spend a lot of time on Twitter, so you should follow me there because you’ll get 30+ daily updates that way. Much easier than blogging. And I’m lazy, so it’s fitting.

The Memphis weather has turned sweltering, shifted back to normal, sweltering again and now a bit chilly with storms rolling through all of last night. I am surviving, though my electric bill may kill me yet. I use almost no energy otherwise, so it’s sad to see my bill double due to increased A/C use.

What the heck else… I have met some new friends/acquaintances through Bryan. They’re all really cool people, and I’m hoping to see more of them over time. His bff, Nick, is a great guy and we spent the Murfreesboro weekend with him. Nick’s girlfriend & Bryan’s good friend, Erica, is an awesome, sharp-witted chick who propelled the potential “thing” with Bryan forward and recently acquired a pink scooter, on which she zips around town. I may get to hang with her tomorrow night, so I’m looking forward to that.

I’m not hating Memphis anymore. I’m really not. And I fully intend to write a series of posts as to why, but that’s not happening today. I’ll also post some key photos from my escapades of the past few weeks…later. Tonight I’m going to see the new Harry Potter movie with Bryan. I am gleeful about that, or at least will be once the workday is over.

I do appreciate all your patience with my blogging-ball droppage. I will get back into the groove soon. Cross my heart. For now, please enjoy this photo of Bryan’s cat, Nancy:

nancy

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Filed under animals, blogging, dating, friends, fun, memphis, photography, plans, recap, twitter

makin’ a way in the world today

otherlands

It’s taking everything I’ve got and then some. BUT I am taking a break tonight and hanging out in Midtown. (Although I realized about a minute ago that my time is limited at this particular locale, Otherlands Coffee Bar, which closes in 35 minutes. Oops.)

I haven’t written lately because my brain’s been far too scattered to focus on a single topic for more than 5 minutes. And considering my tendency to write short novels in my blog, this distracted state and blogging do not mesh.

I often have thoughts I don’t write down. Thoughts that go slightly longer than the 140 characters allowed in twitter, but not really all that interesting. I really should record them, if for no other reason than I can avoid kicking myself later for forgetting about them. But I haven’t.

I’m currently reading a book called Art & Fear, by David Bayles and Ted Orland. It’s about how fear impedes artmaking and how to keep it from doing so. I’ve not considered myself an artist since before middle-school art class, when I was told not to try to duplicate a certain piece because I didn’t have the skill. I know writing is an art form, too, but I don’t consider myself an artist there either. In reading this book, though, I realize artmaking is many things, but the lessons can be applied to life in general as well. Not being afraid to stand up for yourself and what you believe. Not backing down when challenged or fearful. Not giving up. I’m thinking this might become a guide to life rather than just a guide to art. I’ll let you know how it pans out.

I’ve been extremely busy at work and feeling exhausted by 9:30 p.m. every night, so you can see the kind of track my train is on right now. I work a lot longer than a should, go to bed later than is necessary and feel like a ball of agony much of the time. However, arm pain has kept me from working out this week. Arm pain and e-newsletters. They have it out for me, for sure.

I still don’t feel like writing, so this ends here. I hope you’re all well. I should just get a video camera and vlog my life — maybe then I’d have things to say.

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twitter

WordPress finally came out with a real Twitter widget for their blogs. While I like my minimalist layout, it does force my widgets to the bottom, so I’m considering picking a different theme in the coming days. Until that happens, check the bottom for my semi-frequent tweets (though not as frequent this week), items too short to warrant full blog entries. Enjoy!
Addendum: Twitter widget is in place on the upper right. It doesn’t work 100% of the time, so if you’re really gung-ho about seeing my Twitter updates, refresh the page a few times OR follow me on Twitter!

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post #200: reawakened

I’ve slowly come to the realization that I took down my blog for the wrong reasons. I’ve spent the past few weeks pretending to redesign this thing, figure out a new direction. And while I did intend on doing that at some point, the real reason for stopping the flow of traffic was because I was ashamed of the craziness and immaturity expressed herein. I had met some new people in Memphis and thought, “My goodness, I sound like such a freak—better hide that, quick!”

I’m seeing now that I’m not the only crazy one. I’m quick to admit I have no idea what I’m doing in my life. I like to pretend I do, by being somewhat mature and responsible, having an 8-5 job and moving far from home and setting out on my own. But I haven’t a clue what I’m really supposed to be doing at any given moment of the day.

I don’t think I’m going to have those answers anytime soon, and not having my blog the past few weeks has dramatically injured my self expression. I’ve had no real outlet for my thoughts, feelings, worries. And while most people will be bored by my day-to-day ramblings, I know my close friends want to know what my days hold and what I’m experiencing without them. We get to talk far less than any of us would like, so this blog needs to stay the way it’s been all along.

For this, my 200th entry on WordPress, I’m bringing this blog back to life. I hope to incorporate more local flavor as I continue to explore Memphis as a whole. I hope to include more photographs and more from my daily ramblings on Twitter and elsewhere. I love Twitter, and I send at least a dozen of those lovely little 140-character updates a day, but I need this longer format for my sanity and for real information exchange with all my loved ones who don’t use Twitter.

I can’t promise this blog will be any more interesting than it’s been in the past. Nor will it be saner. But I’m fine with that. That’s me, and I’m sort of learning to be proud of that. Sort of. Stay tuned.

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where was I?

Yeah, yeah, I’ve been neglectful of the blogging. Reason being? I can’t stop tweeting, so if you want to see what’s been going down lately, you might want to check out that feed. Maybe even sign up for your own Twitter account? And follow me? And download Twhirl so you can see my tweets in real time? It’s so worth it; trust me. Also, for those of varying levels of nerddom? You also can follow Wil Wheaton, or @wilw (Wesley Crusher, Star Trek: The Next Generation); @levarburton (Geordi LaForge, TNG; Reading Rainbow); @brentspiner (Data, TNG); @williamshatner (Captain James T. Kirk, Star Trek); @georgetakei (Commander Sulu, ST); @neilhimself (Neil Gaiman, author), et al. I’m following 66 now, including those above, other cool people and equally cool non-people like the @hubblepao telescope, the @smithsonian, @theonion and @ducksunlimited (which is, essentially, me and my boss).

It took too long to insert all those links. Time to get back to work. But to give a quick summary of life: Work is busy, trying to get enough sleep (fail), driving to Birmingham this afternoon for Valentine’s Day & a wedding, long week that needs to end, long two weeks without hugs and cuddles, too much oregano on last night’s potato skillet, scary hair stylist nearly maimed me with comb yesterday, weather has returned to 40s from mid-60s/70, looking forward to spring, hoping I won’t inadvertently eat up all my vacation hours for the year by leaving a couple hours early for weekend B’ham trips… I resolve to begin blogging again soon, loves. Really. In the meantime, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

“Because romance is SO last year…” Awkward Valentines

If Valentine’s Cards Told the Truth

The Science of Romance: Brains Have a Love Circuit

A Valentine’s Day Love Story from Ducks Unlimited

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musical intent

I am now keeping a list of topics that pop into my head for future entries. Just so you know this isn’t all one big, unplanned mental concoction day after day. Or maybe it is. Either way, I’m making a list!

And while the original intent of this post was to combine two short topics into one entry, because I wasn’t feeling particularly bloggy starting out, the one topic ended up going on and on (see below), so we’re sticking with just one for this afternoon. Enjoy!

what do you really listen to?

I was thinking this morning on the drive to work about what I put in all my dating profiles and other stupid surveys regarding my musical tastes. Though the list is now extensive, it hasn’t always been. In elementary school, I would’ve said oldies. In middle school, country. In high school, country and Christian rock. Then in college, we entered the land of “Everything except rap,” which persisted until fairly recently, when I decided that that answer sounded pretty lame, made me seem like I didn’t know anything about music and gave the wrong impression. Because even though rap doesn’t encompass hip-hop and R&B, anyone who says “everything but rap” probably means “everything but that huge wad of genres that can be tied up with a big ribbon and given the mass label of ‘rap.'” And since I do enjoy the occasional hip-hop or R&B song, that was not the image I wanted to convey. So, now, when asked, I rattle off an obscenely long list of genres (which, ironically, does not contain hip-hop OR R&B), among them alt-rock (whatever that is), bluegrass, classic country (because I can’t bear to admit liking the less-obnoxious Brad Paisley songs, which cannot be extricated from the REALLY obnoxious Brad Paisley songs defining modern country; also, I love Tim McGraw), mountain music, folk, Celtic, classical when I’m reading, 1960s-’80s pop and rock (“classic” is so subjective, and modern pop makes me queasy, though it’s easy to sing along to) and Christian rock.

Now, here’s my question, if you are like me in having this litany of musical preferences: what do you REALLY listen to? If I were left in a room with an iPod and several spare hours, I’d probably surf around to all these places on the musical spectrum, but the real test is in my car every morning. Granted, Memphis radio stations are slim pickins, but I do have choices! So, what do I pick? klove. Almost every time, unless the really obnoxious morning-show-host-couple is in the process of dropping their daughter off at school, because, holy crap, I don’t need to hear you being all teary about your baby-girl-going-out-into-the-world-and-leaving-you every morning. I forget that the local volunteer station, WEVL (very similar to The Impact in programming style), even exists. And the dial seems to turn to country only after I cross the state line into Michigan.

So, what I actually listen to is contemporary Christian rock. Maybe I’m the only person too lazy to change to another preset or scan for something new. Or maybe my 7-minute commute just isn’t long enough to merit branching out. But I wonder – what do you really listen to? Because my answer just isn’t as cool as that whole list. And I forget I own an iPod filled with eccentric tunes from around the globe. Do you?

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honestly hoping it’s pms

I was in the worst mood today. Actually, I thought I was fine, but then I fell into moody silence somewhere between the office and Bass Pro. A quesadilla lunch at Playita Mexicana made me a little happier, but as soon as I returned to my desk, my stack of work and a fruitless conference call, I had just about had enough. Maybe I need another vacation? It’s too bad I have no camping gear or outdoorsy skills – I’d take myself out into the woods somewhere. Maybe someone would be willing to lend me a tent. If camping here is anything like camping in some little rustic site in the northern Lower Peninsula, I think I could manage. I could build a small fire, curl up in my sleeping bag, take walks on trails. And all the while growing facial hair that no one would be around to judge me for! Awesome! Too bad my mom would freak if she found out I went camping alone…

Interested… in being alone

I was thinking about hobbies the other day. I used to want to do things in my spare time that would give me an excuse to be around people. Now, I’d kind of rather be alone, at least for the most part. Like, with the Humane Society, I like walking the dogs, but I really don’t ever feel like socializing with the other volunteers. And I hate feeling like I’m making mistakes in front of them or not doing things by the book. Obviously, I can’t be the only person walking the dogs and throwing balls for them, but if I could find a place with just a few dogs, I’d much rather go it alone. I’d make a better dog sitter than a volunteer walker for a big place like the HS.

Similarly, church? Too many people. My fault for picking a church with a membership in the tens of thousands, but it’s been the best fit in most ways. Anyway, I want a small study group or singles ministry, not a room brimming with 50 people. I get intimidated in groups bigger than three (including me), so what does that tell you? I already speak too quietly, but combine that with the din of 49 other voices and you’ve got me silently taking notes and listening intently to everyone else, just like always. I’m even like that at work – lunch or a meeting with two, I can do; more than that, I clam up. Frustrating.

Anyway, I have no hobbies or interests. It’s probably strange reading that because it seems like everyone out there has at least ONE thing they love doing. Well, I guess I like reading and blogging, but those are so routine. And I wouldn’t call them passions. Passions are things you’re also a mini expert in. Like RP has fishing. And so many people in the office have hunting. Everyone out there has something they know a lot about and really enjoy. I don’t. I like a lot of things – most of all animals/nature, science, writing, reading, web design and travel – but I know almost nothing about them. I can’t list my favorite writers, the periodic table, all the species of ducks my company protects, how many islands make up Hawaii. I could gather all that information in less than two minutes, but that’s not enough. They can’t be passions if I’m not interested enough to know all this already. It’s just that I feel like I don’t have enough time to learn… how lame is that?

Off the shelf

I went to the library tonight to find a book. I didn’t have long to browse, so I went straight to the new arrivals section in search of a witty novel or a cool piece of nonfiction. I momentarily considered a book called Winter Study, which is based on Isle Royale in Lake Superior. But the synopsis slowly faded from interesting wolf research to something about giant mutant wolves? I quickly lost interest. Seemed too much like a B-movie in book form. I ended up with a book called, The Opposite of Love. I couldn’t resist this blurb in the jacket:

When successful twenty-nine-year-old Manhattan attorney Emily Haxby ends her happy relationship just as her boyfriend is on the verge of proposing, she can’t explain to even her closest friends why she did it. Somewhere beneath her sense of fun, her bravado, and her independent exterior, Emily knows that her breakup with Andrew has less to do with him and more to do with…her. “You’re your own worst enemy,” her best friend Jess tells her. “It’s like you get pleasure out of breaking your own heart.

Having been accused in the not-so-distant past of making myself miserable because I didn’t know how else to be in life, this whole passage – not to mention the like-named heroine – totally convinced me to take the book home. I can imagine this being me at 29. Maybe not on the verge of marriage (who can imagine that?) but maybe in a serious relationship that I decide to end for no apparent reason. So much of me is internal. I will readily express my feelings, but it really is only a small portion of what’s going on in my head. Even here… I can’t lend a proper a voice to my brain. You still don’t read everything. If this book is well written and honest, there will be a good bit of that exact theme running throughout. I’m looking forward to it.

There better be another Jim

Watched the “Office” premiere tonight. Not going to spoil it for those who will be watching on the Web or via recordings, but I was not super impressed with the episode as a whole. But, as always, the love of “Jam” salvaged it for me. =) The epic scene they shared made me long for a rain-drenched rest stop off I-80. I hope I’ll make it there someday…

Drudgery

As mentioned in paragraph one, work is wearing me thin. I didn’t think that would be the case since the crazy marathon that was Opening Day has now been muted to a dull roar, but maybe that’s the problem – being insanely busy kept me from recognizing the shortcomings of my job. I was so excited about the end result of this amazing project, created by five sets of skilled hands, that I didn’t for a moment think I’d ever stop loving it. But I kind of am. I think it’s Memphis, really. It’s actually sucking the life out of me. There is no nature here. The people are not particularly friendly. Germantown Parkway makes me have tiny strokes from all the lanes of traffic filled with mostly bad drivers. I am on the downward slope from a ridiculous crush. I can’t seem to find a niche. I miss school. I miss home, friends, my mom. And I was able to shut all that off for a while to get that project done. Now that it is, I’m realizing my powers are limited. I can do only a fraction of what the rest of the team can. I hate to think that I’m not meant to work as part of a team, but maybe I’m not. I just feel like I’m not really needed, other than just because there are too many small tasks for important people to have to handle themselves. I’m not actually contributing anything unique to the situation. I’m not a go-to person for anything. I am creating Web pages that others don’t have the time to create. I am placing photos and updating links and writing copy. And while I know all that is necessary to keep a Web site running smoothly, it’s just… lame. It makes me feel lame that I can’t build anything, create anything spectacular like a donor recognition wall or the technology behind a sweet video contest. I’m just the, “Hey, can you change out that image of the dog? Yeah, we want a guy with a gun there instead.” Bah.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for hyping things up in my mind. I knew what I was getting into moving down here. I was fine for a while, still floating on the cloud that is a new place and a new job, but it’s disintegrated now to the point where I can clearly see the ground below. And in Memphis, it’s hard, dry and covered in fire ants.

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