fearful living

This post could be about the constant low-grade fear I experience on a daily basis. The kind of fear that manifests itself in nightmares about realistic things, many of which involve someone betraying me and/or hurting me. I had a couple of those last night, a couple more the night before. Perhaps I subconsciously tend to get too little sleep in order to avoid those dreams. Perhaps I should continue that practice…

But, no. This post is about my fear of looming medical bills. Most of you missed the picture I posted on Twitter of my ER bill from a few weekends back. Here it is. That’s four THOUSAND dollars, people. And that is only one of THREE visits I paid to medical professionals in a three-day period. When I look back, I think I must’ve been an utter fool to go to that many doctors and not think for a second about the repercussions. But, in essence, isn’t that what it’s supposed to be like to have insurance? Shouldn’t I feel safe to seek care without then suffering under the weight of the expense? It just isn’t so.

I’ve received several EOBs in my e-mail inbox the past week or so, but haven’t found any real answers therein about how much money will be leaving my bank account in the near future. I know I can afford it, but it’s still not going to be easy. I suppose it’s smart that I decided not to move out just now, as I may still have a couple thousand dollars of medical bills heading my way. It makes me a little ill just thinking about it.

Time to go back to sipping my cinnamon mocha (free office coffee + free cinnamon hot chocolate mix I found in the break room + one packet of Splenda) and get started on my work for the day. Peace be with you (more than I have, at any rate).



Filed under health, thoughts

6 responses to “fearful living

  1. DW32

    Do you know the insurance policy-did it require large deductibles, were there things not covered? Have you called the insurance company to go over the bills?

  2. e. autumne

    I have not received any actual bills yet – this was just a statement of the costs behind my visit. I have that and the EOBs, but no bills. Still waiting on those.

  3. I remember the joy of opening those bills… medical expenses suck. On the other hand, dying sucks even more – or so I hear.

  4. DW32

    Then you’re probably fine. You might pay something small and your current policy should explain what’s covered and what’s not. But you shouldn’t owe $4k.

  5. e. autumne

    Hopefully not. Received a $265 bill from one of the doctors yesterday, so that’s installment one. We shall see what else comes in the mail…

  6. DW32

    Question with the insurance company what you are being billed and what you owe and look for mistakes. There are ALWAYS mistakes in billing.

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