antisocial?

In spite of all my groanings over never meeting new people or making friends, I think I may be sabotaging my own efforts in that respect. The aforementioned Gym Guy has now called me a handful of times and texted me a few more than that. I respond after a few attempts on his part, but always half-heartedly, the same way I approach our in-person conversations. I’m just a big ol’ jerk, really.

Anyway, he was at the gym tonight, where I ended up later than usual because of the crazy traffic at 6 o’clock. I got through my 45 minutes of cardio before he showed up, but we then spent over an hour talking, so all the dreams of weight lifting and crunches flew out the window when the clock struck 10 and I needed to get home. (I also unsuccessfully attempted to pump gas after that and ended up purchasing 11 cents’ worth before it gave out – wtf? The lights were on, so it should’ve worked, right?)

Right, so Gym Guy asked if I wanted to do something Saturday. It was implied this would not be a date, so that puts my mind at ease, but it followed several questions related to dating, so… yeah. Awkward. I have no desire to even go at all, date or no date. Actually, date would be better, because I wouldn’t have to pay for stuff. =P Does that make me a horrible person/woman? Maybe.

He still makes me uncomfortable, with his talking and his questions and his eye contact. I feel like I’m in high school again with the shyness. Normally I’m fine, because the person on the other end of the conversation is at least a little shy/quiet, too, so I don’t feel like I have to try so hard to make up ground on my side – we’re on an even playing field. But with him, it’s like I have to try to be entertaining and keep my end of the deal and whatever other euphemisms you can insert there.

So, we might see a movie after he gets out of work at 7. I’m kind of hoping for that, because then I don’t have to talk as much. I’m totally envisioning myself pulling a “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” act and scaring him off. Gosh, I’m an awful person. I should be glad to have met a potential friend who might be able to hook me up with a decent church or some wider social circle. I shouldn’t immediately be thinking about how we have no potential for anything more, so why hang out in the first place? If the people in my life, finding themselves in my current position, had done that, I would’ve had a lot fewer friends over the years. =\ I have to stop being a jerk.

The weekend at home was great, btw. I did very little besides eat, visit and play Wii, which was exactly what I needed after over a week of 12-hour workdays. I got to see friends, family and former coworkers. Tod, Mandy & Carla. Went to Sephora for the first time and re-established my long-lost love affair with Panera (there are none down here!). Spent a good bit of time with my mom, racing cows on Wii Play and generally driving her nuts with my superior gaming skillz. =)

I heard it was good I missed the launch of the new site at work, but honestly, I doubt it would’ve affected me as much as it did RP, who worked 30 hours between Saturday and Sunday, barely eating or drinking anything, sitting at his desk for 17-hour stretches. =\ I guess I could’ve brought him lunch or something? But anyway, it’s up and running now – and beautifully, I might add! Check it out: openingday.ducks.org.

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