inspiring bath music

I was just listening to Pandora while taking a bubble bath with the tangerine Suave shampoo and Old Spice body wash that my roommate left behind. I’m usually listening to the “Casting Crowns radio” station that I’ve been building, which is basically just an all-male version of every contemporary Christian station on the market today. It’s CC, Third Day, Jeremy Camp, Big Daddy Weave, Aaron Shust, etc.

Anyway, I heard two songs that hit me while bathing. First was the live version of CC’s “Does Anybody Hear Her?” Specifically this part:

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she’s going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that’s tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can’t see past her scarlet letter
And we’ve never even met her

This girl is me. I am waiting for that Prince Charming. Or I’m waiting for my version of PC. He may be a computer geek with a bit of a gut and a warm smile. Or maybe I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time, and that’s exactly what I don’t need. How am I to know? I think it’s time for me to lay this issue in someone else’s hands. There is too much more in my life for me to focus on. It’s too hurtful to be in control of this and think about it. It’s not mine to carry anymore.

Then there was “Amazed” by Building 429, which I heard the other day and considered buying the album. The lyrics were very specific and rang true for me. The whole song, in fact. I’m going to share it all:

Who am I
23 and it’s all a lie
Thought I knew who I was
I thought that You were here with me

But this darkness is breaking
Everything in me
These infinite questions
Have shattered all the peace

But I won’t question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the sun and through the night

‘Cause You’ve got me
Right where You want me
Yeah You’ve got me
Right where I need to be
And I’m standing amazed

Where did it go
33 and it’s gone so fast
Thought I knew who I was
I though that You were leading me

But this depression is
Crashing in on me
And I’m not half the man
I hoped I’d be

But I won’t question in the dark
What is true out in the light
I will follow after You
Through the storm and through the fight

I’ve been through 1,000 of these moments of self reflection, where I see myself for what I really am, and I’m astounded by just how far short of my ideal image I’ve fallen. And how I thought I was on my way there. How I’ve failed. How I’m failing myself and God. At 23, I’m not who I thought I was. Will I still be saying that at 33? Will this depression still have a hold on me? I desperately cling to the hope that it won’t.

I know the whole point of these songs is to make you feel bad about yourself, to break you and bring you to your knees before God. I am not “fooled” by them. However, I can’t help what affects me. The things they write and sing that call up the very details of my life are uncanny. They can be uncanny for thousands of people; that’s fine with me. I’m not unique in my trials, my fears and my shortcomings. I am as weak as the next person. I hope another 23-year-old hears “Amazed” and finds him- or herself in tears. That’s what it’s supposed to do.

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