le sigh

For those who haven’t noticed on Facebook or heard it personally from one of us, Tod and I broke up last night. It was a perfectly mutual decision, and one that I think was right to make now, when it was still clean and fresh and not sullied by distance, time and frustration. We were still able to laugh when it was over, and I’m going to do my best to keep our friendship alive, even if it’s hard. As we both agreed, this was our first adult relationship, and honestly, my first relationship of real value and meaning. That made it harder to end, but it also made it feel so much different from breakups of the past. My eyes are puffy this morning, and I’m still crying off and on, but I know it will get better over time.

Thanks especially to Mandy, Nina and Jen T., who have been offering helpings of advice the past week or two, as I’ve been mulling over the whole situation and trying to figure out the next steps. I’m not sure if I can whittle everything down into one central reason for breaking up; it’s sort of a culmination of several factors that we couldn’t ignore.

I know it’s going to take me a long time to find someone else who is as special to me as Tod has been for over a year. So much of my everyday life revolved around him that it’s like starting all over even though I already started over by moving to Memphis. I’m going to miss so much about him, and about us, that it’s going to be a hard road for a while. I’m sure everyone out there understands just what I mean.

I hope I’ll be able to keep in touch with the people who have entered my life because of my relationship with Tod. Grand Rapids kids: Don’t feel like you have to take me off your Friends list or disassociate yourselves because of this breakup. You’re welcome to if you wish, but I hope I’ll still be able to talk with you all from time to time, as you’ve become a part of my life. If you have an extra invite for next summer, Jenny, I’d love to come. And I definitely want to keep reading about everyone’s lives online.

Thank you, Tod, for being the first man I’ve really loved. That’s something I’m going to carry with me the rest of my life, no matter where I go or what I do. I hope you will too.

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3 Comments

Filed under love, recap

3 responses to “le sigh

  1. Jenny

    :( Big frowny face.

    But of course I’ll be sending an invitation your way for the big day next summer. And I hope you’ll still come up for notorious GR parties when you’re around!

  2. Geekboy

    :[
    I am really sorry to hear that.
    I was hoping for the best for you two.

  3. Jessica

    Boo-urns.

    Well, you’re not getting off my friends list that easily. I think you are too deep in to this circle of friends to get away. Sorry, you’re stuck with us =).

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